19 quotes
I love being married, I do. It's so great to find that one special person that you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Nobody is really happy with what's on their head. People with straight hair want curly, people with curly want straight, and bald people want everyone to be blind.
Naked Beneath My Clothes (1992)
To me, life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.
Naked Beneath My Clothes (1992)
Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers to attract men? Men don't like flowers. I have a great idea for a scent that will attract men — how about "New Car Interior"?
Naked Beneath My Clothes (1992)
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
I had teeth that stuck out so far, I used to eat other kids' candy bars by accident.
Naked Beneath My Clothes (1992)
Well, the old theory was "marry an older man because they're more mature". But the new theory is "men don't mature — marry a young one".
Well, the old theory was "marry a older man because they're more mature". But the new theory is "men don't mature — marry a young one".
Whenever I date a guy, I think, "Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?"
I don't even know how this word came into being: "aerobics". I guess gym instructors got together and said, "If we're going to charge ten dollars an hour, we can't call it 'jumping up and down'."
Naked Beneath My Clothes (1992)
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
[One of my friends] was in labor for 36 hours. (I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.)
Naked Beneath My Clothes (1992)
We did long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we decided to buy a dog. Cheaper, and… get more feet.
Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary; the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into the pouch, and proceeds to mature. I'd have a baby if it would develop in my handbag.
Naked Beneath My Clothes (1992)
Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
I started taking ballet lessons when I was 4, and I was performing in ballet companies when I was 10, and I did summer stock in Miami Beach when I was 12, and finally I said, 'I gotta go to Broadway.'
My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married, and I didn't want him to.
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, "Never take candy from strangers." And then they dressed me up and said, "Go beg for it." I didn't know what to do. I'd knock on people's doors and go, "Trick or treat.”