More by Rita Rudner
I had teeth that stuck out so far, I used to eat other kids' candy bars by accident.
Naked Beneath My Clothes (1992)
Well, the old theory was "marry an older man because they're more mature". But the new theory is "men don't mature — marry a young one".
Whenever I date a guy, I think, "Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?"
I don't even know how this word came into being: "aerobics". I guess gym instructors got together and said, "If we're going to charge ten dollars an hour, we can't call it 'jumping up and down'."
Naked Beneath My Clothes (1992)
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
[One of my friends] was in labor for 36 hours. (I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.)
Naked Beneath My Clothes (1992)
We did long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we decided to buy a dog. Cheaper, and… get more feet.
Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary; the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into the pouch, and proceeds to mature. I'd have a baby if it would develop in my handbag.
Naked Beneath My Clothes (1992)
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