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My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.

— Rita Rudner

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More quotes by Rita Rudner

I love being married, I do. It's so great to find that one special person that you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Nobody is really happy with what's on their head. People with straight hair want curly, people with curly want straight, and bald people want everyone to be blind.

Naked Beneath My Clothes (1992)

To me, life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.

Naked Beneath My Clothes (1992)

Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers to attract men? Men don't like flowers. I have a great idea for a scent that will attract men — how about "New Car Interior"?

Naked Beneath My Clothes (1992)

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?

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Attribution

Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Rita Rudner (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.