More by Rita Rudner
I had teeth that stuck out so far, I used to eat other kids' candy bars by accident.
Naked Beneath My Clothes (1992)
Well, the old theory was "marry a older man because they're more mature". But the new theory is "men don't mature — marry a young one".
Whenever I date a guy, I think, "Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?"
I don't even know how this word came into being: "aerobics". I guess gym instructors got together and said, "If we're going to charge ten dollars an hour, we can't call it 'jumping up and down'."
Naked Beneath My Clothes (1992)
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
[One of my friends] was in labor for 36 hours. (I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.)
Naked Beneath My Clothes (1992)
We did long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we decided to buy a dog. Cheaper, and… get more feet.
Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary; the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into the pouch, and proceeds to mature. I'd have a baby if it would develop in my handbag.
Naked Beneath My Clothes (1992)
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