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I was in a bar the other night, moving from stool to stool, trying to get lucky — but there wasn't gum under any of them.

— Emo Philips

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More quotes by Emo Philips

Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.

Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the Devil. Other than that, though, it's been a good day.

E=MO² (1985)

How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand.

E=MO² (1985)

I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen.

E=MO² (1985)

Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: "A truck!"

E=MO² (1985)

All Emo Philips quotes →

Attribution

Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Emo Philips (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.