103 quotes
We have to take our possessions and flee. I'm very good at that. I was the men's freestyle fleeing champion two years in a row.
Love and Death (1975)
I heard that Commentary and Dissent had merged and formed Dysentery.
Annie Hall (1977)
Nostalgia is denial. Denial of the painful present. The name for this denial is Golden Age thinking - the erroneous notion that a different time period is better than the one one's living in - it's a flaw in the romantic imagination of those people who find it difficult to cope with the present.
Midnight In Paris (2011)
Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.
Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex* (*But Were Afraid to Ask) (1972)
A lot of things have happened in my private life recently that I thought we could review tonight.
Standup Comic (1999)
Harry: Tradition is the illusion of permanence.
Deconstructing Harry (1997)
I had dated a woman briefly in the Eisenhower administration, and it was ironic to me, because I was trying to do to her what Eisenhower had been doing to the country for the last 8 years.
Annie Hall (1977)
Viscous and Sons had announced publication of The Annotated Poems of Sean O'Shawn, the great Irish poet, considered by many to be the most incomprehensible and hence the finest poet of his time. Abounding in highly personal references, an understanding of O'Shawn's work requires an intimate knowledge of his life, which, according to scholars, not even he had.
Without Feathers (1975)
It is a gorgeous gold pocket watch, however, I'm proud of it. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
Standup Comic (1999)
We're worth a lot of dough. Whatever you see is antiques. This thing here. This is from — I don't remember exactly. I think it's the Renaissance or the Magna Carta or something. But that's where it's from.
Small Time Crooks (2001)
I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
Standup Comic (1999)
They called me mad... But it was I - yes I - who discovered the link between excessive masturbation and entry into politics!
Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex* (*But Were Afraid to Ask) (1972)
He was on his way to see Harriet about the alimony payments. He still loved Harriet, even though while they were married she had systematically attempted to commit adultery with all the R's in the Manhattan telephone directory.
Without Feathers (1975)
Is anything in nature actually "perfect" with the exception of my Uncle Hyman's stupidity? Who am I to demand perfection? I, with my myriad faults. I made a list of my faults, but could not get past: 1) Sometimes forgets his hat.
Side Effects (1980)
My wife and I had not brought any children into this world, instead we had adopted. But having your own children is not a beautiful thing. Maybe I am wrong, maybe I am too hard. But I think I'm not doin' someone a big favour by giving him life.
Death is a state of non-being. That which is not, does not exist. Therefore death does not exist. Only truth exists. Truth and beauty. Each is interchangeable, but are aspects of themselves. Er, what specifically did they say they had in mind for me?
Side Effects (1980)
Today I saw a red-and-yellow sunset and thought, "How insignificant I am!" Of course, I thought that yesterday, too, and it rained. I was overcome with self-loathing and contemplated suicide again - this time by inhaling next to an insurance salesman.
Without Feathers (1975)
Harry: Between the Pope and air conditioning, I'd choose air conditioning.
Deconstructing Harry (1997)
...years of insanity have made this guy crazy!
Don't Drink the Water (1994)
"I do not believe in God," I told him. "For if there is a God, then tell me, Uncle, why is there poverty and baldness? Why do some men go through life immune to a thousand mortal enemies of the race, while others get a migraine that lasts for weeks? Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?"
Getting Even (1971)