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It is a gorgeous gold pocket watch, however, I'm proud of it. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

— Woody Allen Standup Comic (1999)

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More quotes by Woody Allen

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

Stardust Memories (1980)

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?

Without Feathers (1975)

Love is the answer. But while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.

Marriage? That's for life! It's like cement!

The difference between sex and death is, with death you can do it alone and nobody's going to make fun of you.

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Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Woody Allen (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.