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Jeff Foxworthy Quotes

born 1958 United States

Jeffrey Marshall "Jeff" Foxworthy (born September 6, 1958) is an American comedian and actor, and a member of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour.

United States
Actors
Baptists
Producers
Singer-songwriters

Also known as: Foxworthy, Jeff

Random Jeff Foxworthy quote

18 quotes

We get up and go to work, we get up and go to church, and we get up and go to war when necessary.

I don't know why my brain has kept all the words to the Gilligan's Island theme song and has deleted everything about triangles.

If you're a man and you can't remember the last time you had sex with a woman, you're either gay or married.

Have Your Loved Ones Spayed and Neutered (2004)

If you're a man and you've ever been antique shopping during a big football game, you're either gay or married.

Have Your Loved Ones Spayed and Neutered (2004)

Talking with Gary Busey is kinda like sex. You want to do it, you just don't want to be alone when you do it.

On life's list of fun things to do, [visiting my in-laws] comes in somewhere below sitting in a tub full of scissors.

Totally Committed (1998)

Hell, when I was in high school, a "drive-by shooting" meant somebody had their rear end hanging out a car window!

Games Rednecks Play (1995)

People always ask me, "Did you see Larry's latest movie?" I always say, "No, but I flushed a ten dollar bill down the toilet, so I feel like I've seen it."

Do you know why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder? Because the DNA's all the same and there's no dental records.

Have Your Loved Ones Spayed and Neutered (2004)

I've often said working with Larry is a lot like watching the Jerry Springer Show. After five minutes, you will feel better about your own family.

Have Your Loved Ones Spayed and Neutered (2004)

My mother won't drive 50 miles an hour. You put her in a rental car, she's doing doughnuts in the grocery store parking lot!

Have Your Loved Ones Spayed and Neutered (2004)

(To his wife) You do not have testicular cancer. You don't even have "testiculars"!

Have Your Loved Ones Spayed and Neutered (2004)

[about his daughters and nieces having developed a natural curiosity about boys]

Have Your Loved Ones Spayed and Neutered (2004)

You break into my house, I will shoot you. My wife will shoot you and then spend thirty minutes telling you why she shot you.

Totally Committed (1998)

Buying a used rental car is kind of like going to a house of ill repute looking for a wife. Anything that's been driven that hard by that many people, you really don't want to put your key in it.

Have Your Loved Ones Spayed and Neutered (2004)

My mom thinks my new daughter is exceptionally bright, because now she will lie on the floor and talk to the ceiling fan. I said, "Mom, Uncle Harold does that and y'all call him an alcoholic."

You Might Be a Redneck If… (1993)

[what men are thinking] I'd like a beer and I'd like to see something naked.

Totally Committed (1998)

[about rental car employees who ask if he wants the additional insurance]

Have Your Loved Ones Spayed and Neutered (2004)

Attribution

Quotes and notes from Wikiquote: Jeff Foxworthy (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0.