12 quotes
• Under Florida’s “stand your ground” law, it is legal to shoot anybody for any reason as long as you are standing on the ground.
Best. State. Ever.: A Florida Man Defends His Homeland (2016)
• More than 1,000 people move to Florida every day.
Best. State. Ever.: A Florida Man Defends His Homeland (2016)
• Roughly eight of these people understand the purpose of the turn signal.
Best. State. Ever.: A Florida Man Defends His Homeland (2016)
• Florida’s government is divided into three branches: the executive, the judicial and the criminal.
Best. State. Ever.: A Florida Man Defends His Homeland (2016)
There comes a time in a man’s life when a man must man up and be a man by summoning up his manhood and doing something manly.
Best. State. Ever.: A Florida Man Defends His Homeland (2016)
He is a tall, trim, sinewy man with a full beard, a deep voice and a handshake that would crush a coconut. He could be a testosterone donor.
Best. State. Ever.: A Florida Man Defends His Homeland (2016)
On any given night, Key West’s main party drag, lower Duval Street, makes Bourbon Street look like Sesame Street.
Best. State. Ever.: A Florida Man Defends His Homeland (2016)
Suddenly, I noticed something: my wallet and keys are exactly where I left them. So either the spirits decided not to move them or—we cannot rule this out – they moved them and then moved them back.
Best. State. Ever.: A Florida Man Defends His Homeland (2016)
Key West, the end of the road, the most flamboyant, decadent, debauched and pungent place in the Florida.
Key West is Florida’s Florida—the place way down at the bottom where the weirdest of the weird end up; the place where the abnormal is normal.
Best. State. Ever.: A Florida Man Defends His Homeland (2016)
In case you’re wondering how the local political establishment feels about a strip club operating in the middle of the main tourist area, here’s a fact you may find helpful: The owner of the Red Garter is Mick Rossi, who is a Key West city commissioner.
Best. State. Ever.: A Florida Man Defends His Homeland (2016)
To begin with, sponges are not plants. They are multicelled animals, although they have no mouth, internal organs, brains or nervous systems. They cannot move, but they can reproduce, eat, grow and obtain Florida driver’s licenses.
I’m kidding about that last one, sort of.
Best. State. Ever.: A Florida Man Defends His Homeland (2016)
I am a huge fan of females as a gender, but they tend to display baffling lack of enthusiasm for violent destruction. Show me a group of individuals who are spending a Sunday afternoon entertaining themselves by using explosives to blow up, say, major appliances, and I will show you a group of males.
Best. State. Ever.: A Florida Man Defends His Homeland (2016)