21 quotes
Within the context of life, I am the centrist pragmatist who doesn't even vote; within the context of sports, I am a potential war criminal.
Every time you talk to this person, you lie.
Chuck Klosterman IV: A Decade of Curious People and Dangerous Ideas (2006)
If this person slept with your girlfriend, she would never be attractive to you again.
Chuck Klosterman IV: A Decade of Curious People and Dangerous Ideas (2006)
Even eternally free people are enslaved by the process of living.
Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs (2003)
If you meet someone who has the same first name as this person, you immediately like them less.
Chuck Klosterman IV: A Decade of Curious People and Dangerous Ideas (2006)
Even if this person's girlfriend was a hateful bitch, you would sleep with her out of spite.
Chuck Klosterman IV: A Decade of Curious People and Dangerous Ideas (2006)
This person has done at least two (2) things that would be classified as "unforgivable."
Chuck Klosterman IV: A Decade of Curious People and Dangerous Ideas (2006)
If your archenemy tried to kill you, this person would attempt to stop him.
Chuck Klosterman IV: A Decade of Curious People and Dangerous Ideas (2006)
You and this person once competed for the same woman, and you both failed.
Chuck Klosterman IV: A Decade of Curious People and Dangerous Ideas (2006)
You have punched this person in the face.
Chuck Klosterman IV: A Decade of Curious People and Dangerous Ideas (2006)
This SimChuck is one suave bastard.
Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs (2003)
This is the kind of shit that would prompt Tyler Durden to hit somebody in the face.
Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs (2003)
Psychologically, the internet is very marxist. Everyone with a modem has access to the same information, so we all get jammed into a technological middle class.
Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs (2003)
Seeing no resolution to my existential recognition of loss, I decide to eat lunch.
Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story (2005)
The satisfaction you feel from your own success pales in comparison to the despair you feel from this person's personal triumphs, even if those triumphs are completely unrelated to your life.
Chuck Klosterman IV: A Decade of Curious People and Dangerous Ideas (2006)
At some point in the past, this person was (arguably) your best friend.
Chuck Klosterman IV: A Decade of Curious People and Dangerous Ideas (2006)
People who barely know the two of you assume you are close friends; people who know both of you intimately suspect you profoundly hate each other.
Chuck Klosterman IV: A Decade of Curious People and Dangerous Ideas (2006)
If invited, you would go to this person's wedding and give them a spice rack, but you would secretly hope that their marriage ends in a bitter, public divorce.
Chuck Klosterman IV: A Decade of Curious People and Dangerous Ideas (2006)
But the bottom line is that I am still willing to die a painful public death, assuming my execution destroys the game of soccer (or - at the very least - convinces people to shut up about it).
Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs (2003)
If rain was God crying, I think God was drunk and his girlfriend just slept with Zeus.
Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story (2005)