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I'm gross. I have hair on my shoulders now. I don't even have a joke for that, that's how much I hate that shit.

— John Mulaney Kid Gorgeous (2018)

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More quotes by John Mulaney

If you’re an adult male who sees no flaws in his father, you’re an insane person.

Real estate agents have to deal with the dumbest people in the world making the biggest decisions of their lives.

The Comeback Kid (2015)

Apparently I have no boundaries. And I need 'em.

I dislike the Founding Fathers immensely.

It is so much easier not to do things than to do them that you would do anything is totally remarkable.

New in Town (2012)

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Attribution

Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: John Mulaney (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.