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I got offended on behalf of my imaginary kids. [...] My children are not gonna be playing out on grass. They will be up in their rooms playing violent video games and catfishing pedophiles.

— John Mulaney The Comeback Kid (2015)

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More quotes by John Mulaney

If you’re an adult male who sees no flaws in his father, you’re an insane person.

Real estate agents have to deal with the dumbest people in the world making the biggest decisions of their lives.

The Comeback Kid (2015)

Apparently I have no boundaries. And I need 'em.

I dislike the Founding Fathers immensely.

It is so much easier not to do things than to do them that you would do anything is totally remarkable.

New in Town (2012)

All John Mulaney quotes →

Attribution

Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: John Mulaney (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.