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I bet when neanderthal kids would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, 'Don't forget the thick, heavy brows.' Then they would get all embarrassed because they remembered they had the big husky brows too, and they'd get mad and eat the snowman.

— Jack Handey

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More quotes by Jack Handey

IF YOU ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let 'em go, because man, they're gone.

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world because they'd never expect it.

Deep Thoughts: Inspiration for the Uninspired (1992)

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes an even bigger man to laugh at that man.

Deep Thoughts: Inspiration for the Uninspired (1992)

A wise man can pick up a grain of sand and envision a whole universe.

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.

Deep Thoughts: Inspiration for the Uninspired (1992)

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Attribution

Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Jack Handey (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.