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My phone will ring at three in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go "Who's that calling at this time?" I don't fucking know! If I knew that, we wouldn't need the bloody phone!

— Lee Evans Wired & Wonderful at Wembley (2002)

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More quotes by Lee Evans

I was thinking to myself out there — well, you wouldn't think you're anybody else, would you?

Live from the West End (1995)

Luv can we off off, not off off but fuck off.

Big Live at the O2 (2008)

It's like unison, "Welcome to speech therapy, all together!"..."NAOOOOOOOOOOOWWW!"

Live at Her Majesty's Theatre (1994)

Bees. They don't know they've even got a fuckin' sting. It's like buzzes, it's a twat with a shotgun!

Live from the West End (1995)

People tell me, "Lee, you should take up golf. It's good for you." You know what I say to that? "Fuck off."

Big Live at the O2 (2008)

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Attribution

Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Lee Evans (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.