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[about how he and his wife can't go out on a date, since they're married]

— Bill Engvall Aged and Confused (2009)

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(A) I'm not going to get to pick the restaurant. Because I'm going to go "where do you want to eat?", and she's going to go "I don't care." So I'll say, "okay, how about Italian?" "Hmmmm...." I'm not going to get to pick the movie, and there's a real good chance I'm not going to get lucky! That's not a date!

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Marriage

More quotes by Bill Engvall

Engvall and his wife are packing up their stuff to move, with a U-Haul sitting in their driveway.

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A friend bought two cakes for his wife's birthday, with a "3" on one and an "8" on the other.

Engvall's car breaks down on a highway, there's smoke pouring out of the hood, and a motorist stops to help him.

Truck driver gets his truck stuck under an overpass, with Engvall watching.

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Attribution

Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Bill Engvall (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.