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You could take Vicodin, step out of the house, onto a freeway, have a truck hit you, and you'd say "My bad!".

— Bill Engvall Here's Your Sign Live! (2004)

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More quotes by Bill Engvall

Engvall and his wife are packing up their stuff to move, with a U-Haul sitting in their driveway.

Engvall and his wife have, for three days, had a cement truck in their yard to re-do their porch.

A friend bought two cakes for his wife's birthday, with a "3" on one and an "8" on the other.

Engvall's car breaks down on a highway, there's smoke pouring out of the hood, and a motorist stops to help him.

Truck driver gets his truck stuck under an overpass, with Engvall watching.

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Attribution

Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Bill Engvall (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.