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If you give a man a hammer, he thinks he can solve all problems by pounding. Well, God gave men penises....

— Jacob M. Appel Arborophilia (2005)

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More quotes by Jacob M. Appel

If God wanted teenagers to be abstinent, puberty would begin at twenty.

The Replacement (2006)

The boss is never your friend, even if you're sleeping with him.

Arborophilia (2005)

I would prefer to believe that a market in fetal organs would empower women to use their reproductive capabilities to their own economic advantage.

Most people are far more concerned that they can control their own bodies than they are about petitioning Congress.

Be optimistic. Always put on clean underwear if you're going on a date.

Arborophilia (2005)

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Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Jacob M. Appel (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.