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Walkin' my poodles, man, it never gets old
With my dogs on the leash, I got bitches on the hold
A first-AIDS kit? That's a rhesus monkey
I bust more nuts than a pistachio junkie

— Bo Burnham Bo fo Sho (2008)

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More quotes by Bo Burnham

The average person has one Fallopian tube. [pause for laughter] The average penis length is 5.5 inches, and finally, the average penis length of a man who googles "average penis length" is 3.5 inches.

Words Words Words (2010)

Could I interest you in everything?
All of the time?
A little bit of everything
All of the time
Apathy's a tragedy
And boredom is a crime
Anything and everything
All of the time

Inside (2021)

This next song is about how sad I am. It's about all the sad stuff; just picture a depressed onion cutting itself.

what (2013)

High school party, senior year
Boys and girls are all sippin' on beer
I like soda
Where's the soda?
Am I the only fuckin' person here that likes soda?

Bo fo Sho (2008)

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no.

Words Words Words (2010)

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Attribution

Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Bo Burnham (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.