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My wife and I had an argument last week that was so stupid, it bears repeating. My wife collects twist ties. Welcome to my world.

— Bill Engvall Cheap Drunk: An Autobiography (2002)

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Marriage

More quotes by Bill Engvall

Engvall and his wife are packing up their stuff to move, with a U-Haul sitting in their driveway.

Engvall and his wife have, for three days, had a cement truck in their yard to re-do their porch.

A friend bought two cakes for his wife's birthday, with a "3" on one and an "8" on the other.

Engvall's car breaks down on a highway, there's smoke pouring out of the hood, and a motorist stops to help him.

Truck driver gets his truck stuck under an overpass, with Engvall watching.

All Bill Engvall quotes →

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The confusion of marriage with morality has done more to destroy the conscience of the human race than any other single error.

George Bernard Shaw Man and Superman (1903)

Men marry because they are tired; women because they are curious. Both are disappointed.

Oscar Wilde A Woman of No Importance (1893)

A man is in general better pleased when he has a good dinner upon his table, than when his wife talks Greek.

Samuel Johnson

The best way to worship God is to love your wife.

Victor Hugo Les Misérables (1862)

Attribution

Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Bill Engvall (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.