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Quotes from White House Correspondents' Association Dinner — Stephen Colbert

born 1964 United States

← All quotes by Stephen Colbert

15 quotes

And I just like the guy. He's a good joe. Obviously loves his wife, calls her his better half, and polls show America agrees.

White House Correspondents' Association Dinner (2006)

As excited as I am to be here with the president, I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying America — with the exception of Fox News.

White House Correspondents' Association Dinner (2006)

And reality has a well-known liberal bias.

White House Correspondents' Association Dinner (2006)

I stand by this man. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things.

White House Correspondents' Association Dinner (2006)

The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday that he believed on Monday — no matter what happened Tuesday.

White House Correspondents' Association Dinner (2006)

I believe it's yogurt, but I refuse to believe it's not butter.

White House Correspondents' Association Dinner (2006)

Before I get started, if anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Someone from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail.

White House Correspondents' Association Dinner (2006)

I believe democracy is our greatest export. At least until China figures out a way to stamp it out of plastic for three cents a unit.

White House Correspondents' Association Dinner (2006)

I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it the "No Fact Zone". Fox News, I hold a copyright on that term.

White House Correspondents' Association Dinner (2006)

Who's Britannica to tell me that the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say that it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American.

White House Correspondents' Association Dinner (2006)

I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible — I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical.

White House Correspondents' Association Dinner (2006)

Somebody pinch me. You know what? I'm a pretty sound sleeper, that may not be enough. Somebody shoot me in the face. Is he really not here tonight? Dammit.

White House Correspondents' Association Dinner (2006)

I believe the government that governs best is the government that governs least. And by these standards, we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.

White House Correspondents' Association Dinner (2006)

Ambassador Zhou Wenzhong, welcome! Your great country [of China] makes our Happy Meals possible!

White House Correspondents' Association Dinner (2006)

I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in "reality." And reality has a well-known liberal bias.

White House Correspondents' Association Dinner (2006)

Attribution

Quotes and notes from Wikiquote: Stephen Colbert (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0.