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Before I get started, if anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Someone from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail.

— Stephen Colbert White House Correspondents' Association Dinner (2006)

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More quotes by Stephen Colbert

I think of him as well intentioned, poorly informed, high status idiot.

If you don't give power to the words that people throw at you to hurt you, they don't hurt you anymore — and you actually have power over those people.

I have tender feelings for Nixon, because everybody has warm feelings about their childhood.

Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it.

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give a man a sub-prime fish loan and you're in business, buddy.

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Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Stephen Colbert (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.