70 quotes
I'm surprised at the reaction it got. I went down there and did exactly what I wanted. I didn't expect it to be some sort of cultural-political line in the sand.
Reality has a well-known liberal bias.
at the White House Correspondents' Association Dinner (2006)
Don’t be afraid to be a fool. ... Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it.
Agnostic? ... Isn't that just an atheist without balls?
I stand by this man. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things.
White House Correspondents' Association Dinner (2006)
He wants to do the right thing but has none of the tools to achieve it. Because he has no curiosity, he doesn't like to read and he won't listen anybody, except the voices in his head.
The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday that he believed on Monday — no matter what happened Tuesday.
White House Correspondents' Association Dinner (2006)
I believe it's yogurt, but I refuse to believe it's not butter.
White House Correspondents' Association Dinner (2006)
Yeah, Silver and his math are jokes, because math has a liberal bias. After all, math is the reason Mitt Romney's tax plan doesn't add up.
Before I get started, if anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Someone from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail.
White House Correspondents' Association Dinner (2006)
Get your own entry in an encyclopedia... In the media age, everybody was famous for 15 minutes. In the Wikipedia age, everybody can be an expert in five minutes. Special bonus: You can edit your own entry to make yourself seem even smarter.
The first time Donald Trump was elected, he started as a joke and ended as a tragedy. This time, he starts as a tragedy. Who knows what he'll end as?
At Pottery Barn, if you knock over a lamp, you have to glue it back together, even if when you're done it looks terrible and it doesn't work. Oh, and you have to stay in the store forever. Oh, and it's an exploding lamp.
I believe democracy is our greatest export. At least until China figures out a way to stamp it out of plastic for three cents a unit.
White House Correspondents' Association Dinner (2006)
Well, I thought it was funny.
I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it the "No Fact Zone". Fox News, I hold a copyright on that term.
White House Correspondents' Association Dinner (2006)
Who's Britannica to tell me that the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say that it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American.
White House Correspondents' Association Dinner (2006)
I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible — I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical.
White House Correspondents' Association Dinner (2006)
(on Alex Jones) He is a terrible person who lies for a living.
It’s a great day to be me because I am not Donald Trump.