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Sarah Silverman Quotes
born 1970 United States
Sarah Kate Silverman (born 1 December 1970) is an American comedian, actress, and writer. Her comedy addresses social taboos and controversial topics, including racism, sexism, homophobia, politics, and religion, sometimes having her comic character endorse them in a satirical or deadpan fashion.
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29 quotes
I was driving and got tired and thought this would be a good place to stop.
I'm so glad Courtney Love is here; I left my crack in my other purse.
People are always introducing me as "Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedian." I hate that! I wish people would see me for who I really am — I'm white!
I commend you on all you've done for PETA, wrestling the one-eyed trouser snake with your bare hands, gently cuddling it in your arms, and nurturing it back to health.
If my boyfriend and I ever have a kid, we'll just be honest with it. We'll say that mommy is one of God's chosen people, and daddy believes that Jesus is magic!
Hey, is it considered molestation if the child makes the first move? I'm gonna need a quick answer on this.
People who call themselves divas...you are not a diva. I'm pretty sure you're a cunt.
Everybody blames the Jews for killing Christ, and then the Jews try to pass it off on the Romans. I'm one of the few people that believe it was the blacks.
Ladies, I guarantee you if you take a shower with your boyfriend by the time you step out of that shower your breasts will be sparkling clean.
When that Jesus movie came out, Jews didn't want people to see it. Everybody blames the Jews for killing Christ, and then the Jews try to pass it up on the Romans. I am one of the few people that believe it was the blacks!
Jesus Is Magic (2005)
Once I was with two men in one night. But I could never do it again—I could hardly walk afterward. Two dinners? That's a lot of food.
The Holocaust would never have happened if black people lived in Germany in the 1930s and 40s … well, it wouldn't have happened to Jews.
Jesus Is Magic (2005)
I love you more than bears love honey,
Jesus Is Magic (2005)
I Hope The Jews Did Kill Christ. I’d Fucking Do It Again in a Second.
I don't care. Good! I hope the Jews did kill Christ. I'd do it again! I'd fucking do it again in a second.
Jesus Is Magic (2005)
I was raped by a doctor … which is so bittersweet for a Jewish girl.
Jesus Is Magic (2005)
I'll be back. I'll be black. I'll be white black.
The Sarah Silverman Program (2007)
When God gives you AIDS – and God does give you AIDS – make lemon-AIDS!
Jesus Is Magic (2005)
I want to get an abortion. But my boyfriend and I are having trouble conceiving.
Jesus Is Magic (2005)
I don't care if you think I'm racist. I just want you to think I'm thin.
Jesus Is Magic (2005)
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