76 quotes
I'd like to make a vending machine that sells vending machines. It'd have to be real fuckin' big!
Mitch All Together (2003)
If you’re a fish and you want to become a fish stick, you have to have really good posture. You can’t be a slouchy fish or you will be a fish clump.
I love my fed-ex guy cause he's a drug dealer and he doesn't even know it...and he's always on time.
Whenever I go to shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving, so I say "I'm gonna go shave, too."
I am not addicted to gambling although I am addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
I like wearing necklaces, because it lets me know when I'm upside down.
I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
Listerine hurts, man; when I put Listerine in my mouth, I'm fuckin' angry. Germs do not go quietly.
Mitch All Together (2003)
I like refried beans. That’s why I want to try fried beans, cuz maybe they’re just as good, and we’re wasting time.
What am I drinking? NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable.
I like rice. Rice is great when you're hungry and you want 2,000 of something.
I walked into Target, but I missed. I think the entrance to Target should have people splattered all around. And, when I finally get in, the guy says "Can I help you?" "Just practicing."
Mitch All Together (2003)
You can't please all the people all the time. And yesterday, all those people were at my show.
Acid is my favorite drug, it opened my mind. Because of acid, I now know that butter is way better than margarine. I saw through the bullshit."
I don't have any children, but if I had a baby, I would have to name it so I'd buy a baby naming book. Or I would invite somebody over who had a cast on.
Mitch All Together (2003)
You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later.
Mitch All Together (2003)
When I was a boy, I laid in my twin-sized bed and wondered where my brother was.
Mitch All Together (2003)
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Mitch All Together (2003)
I went to a record store, they said they specialized in hard-to-find records. Nothing was alphabetized.
We're gonna have to sweeten some of these jokes. You know what sweeten means, right? That’s a showbiz term for "add sugar to".
Mitch All Together (2003)