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Quotes from Morning Constitutions — Larry the Cable Guy

born 1963 United States

← All quotes by Larry the Cable Guy

15 quotes

You can always tell when gas is expensive. You always see street gangs doing walk-bys.

Morning Constitutions (2007)

If you're in a Gay Mafia and you get whacked, is that good or bad? [high-pitched voice] Say hello to my little friend.

Morning Constitutions (2007)

Them [gas] prices are higher than a bus load of Mexicans at the Los Lobos concert.

Morning Constitutions (2007)

Cheney shot his buddy in the face. Clinton shot his intern in the face.

Morning Constitutions (2007)

I was madder than a Keebler elf getting demoted to fudge-packer.

Morning Constitutions (2007)

That show Biggest Loser is a dumb show. If I wanted to see fat people struggle with their weight, I'd go to my family reunion!

Morning Constitutions (2007)

My mom went to that same doctor and got a butt lift. It's a little too lifted, I think, alright. Now every time she farts only dogs can hear it.

Morning Constitutions (2007)

Did you know that when a baby poops its diaper, you're not supposed to hit him with a rolled up newspaper?

Morning Constitutions (2007)

I was madder than a pervert with palsy trying to open up a condom wrapper, I'll tell you what.

Morning Constitutions (2007)

I was madder than a quadriplegic with a stack of scratch-off tickets, I'll tell you what.

Morning Constitutions (2007)

Had a buddy of mine caught a rainbow trout, and threw it back. He said he didn't want a gay fish.

Morning Constitutions (2007)

You ever go eat breakfast at Denny's, and then go to the toilet and sit in there so long you gotta order lunch from the stool? You ever do that? Now I know why they call it the Grand Slam.

Morning Constitutions (2007)

I had a buddy of mine call up the other day, all upset 'cause he slept with his third cousin. And I'm like, "Man, if it upsets you that much, quit countin' them!"

Morning Constitutions (2007)

At first I didn't even realize she was pregnant. I kinda gotten used to her throwing up every time we had sex...

Morning Constitutions (2007)

I like to hunt. We went to a nuclear power plant and hunted in the woods next to it. I got a 34-point rabbit in there. We always go at night. It's easier. All the critters glow in the dark out there.

Morning Constitutions (2007)

Attribution

Quotes and notes from Wikiquote: Larry the Cable Guy (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0.