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I had a buddy of mine call up the other day, all upset 'cause he slept with his third cousin. And I'm like, "Man, if it upsets you that much, quit countin' them!"

— Larry the Cable Guy Morning Constitutions (2007)

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More quotes by Larry the Cable Guy

OJ isn't going to jail — he just changed his name to BJ.

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Do you get so drunk you hump a cupholder?

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You can always tell when gas is expensive. You always see street gangs doing walk-bys.

Morning Constitutions (2007)

If you're in a Gay Mafia and you get whacked, is that good or bad? [high-pitched voice] Say hello to my little friend.

Morning Constitutions (2007)

Them [gas] prices are higher than a bus load of Mexicans at the Los Lobos concert.

Morning Constitutions (2007)

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Attribution

Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Larry the Cable Guy (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.