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If you're in a Gay Mafia and you get whacked, is that good or bad? [high-pitched voice] Say hello to my little friend.

— Larry the Cable Guy Morning Constitutions (2007)

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More quotes by Larry the Cable Guy

OJ isn't going to jail — he just changed his name to BJ.

Tailgate Party (2009)

Do you get so drunk you hump a cupholder?

Tailgate Party (2009)

You can always tell when gas is expensive. You always see street gangs doing walk-bys.

Morning Constitutions (2007)

Them [gas] prices are higher than a bus load of Mexicans at the Los Lobos concert.

Morning Constitutions (2007)

Do deaf people have alarm clocks? I asked a deaf guy that one time, the sumbitch just stared at me.

Tailgate Party (2009)

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Attribution

Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Larry the Cable Guy (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.