83 quotes
We declared war on terror—it's not even a noun, so, good luck. After we defeat it, I'm sure we'll take on that bastard ennui.
College of William & Mary Commencement Address (2004)
That theater doesn't make for authentic public discourse.
Hartford Advocate Interview (2008)
The reason I don't worry about society is, nineteen people knocked down two buildings and killed thousands. Hundreds of people ran into those buildings to save them. I'll take those odds every fucking day.
You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried everything. Yes, I want to look back and know that I was terrible at a variety of things.
You know what's interesting, though? You're as big a dick on your show as you are on any show.
Crossfire Appearance (2004)
I do have some sad news to report. Björk couldn't be here tonight. She was trying on her Oscar dress and Dick Cheney shot her.
The 78th Academy Awards (2006)
"If Obama's a tyrant, he's a pretty tame tyrant. How many tyrants do you know that really suffer because they can't get cloture?"
The Bill O'Reilly Factor Appearance (2010)
Everybody thought Barack Obama was going to [inspire people] when he came to Washington, but, you know, the Senate seems like the place where smart people go to die.
Using Fox's model, find someone with the passion and the huevos to just lay it on the line — not in a partisan way, not in the pursuit of political power and political gain, but in the pursuit of credibility.
It's a brilliant metaphor. What I meant to say was, when you see a monkey masturbating at the zoo...
Reform Jews are the children of Conservative Jews, or as they are sometimes known, Christians with curlier hair.
Naked Pictures of Famous People (1998)
Just because we hit on points that resonate, or people think are real complaints—that doesn't make us journalists.
Hartford Advocate Interview (2008)
For those of you who are keeping score at home, I just want to make something very clear: Martin Scorsese, zero Oscars. Three 6 Mafia, one.
The 78th Academy Awards (2006)
Good evening everybody, ladies, gentlemen... Felicity.
The 78th Academy Awards (2006)
I'm not going to be your monkey.
Crossfire Appearance (2004)
1300 BC: God gives Ten Commandments to Israelites, making them His Chosen People and granting them eternal protection under Divine Law. Nothing bad ever happens to Jews again.
America (The Book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction (2004)
The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom. That's all it is. All those media companies say, "We're going to make a killing here." You won't because it's still only as good as the content.
When corporations fail, you pay for it. But when they succeed, it's theirs. They socialize their losses and privatize their gains.
The Problem with Jon Stewart (2021)
I really thought that the make-up artist for Cinderella Man should have won. I mean, it's so hard to make Russell Crowe look like he got in a fight.
The 78th Academy Awards (2006)
If this is "America First", then America is fucked.
In response to the PACT Act initially being held up in the Senate (2021)