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1300 BC: God gives Ten Commandments to Israelites, making them His Chosen People and granting them eternal protection under Divine Law. Nothing bad ever happens to Jews again.

— Jon Stewart America (The Book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction (2004)

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More quotes by Jon Stewart

I have complete faith in the continued absurdity of whatever’s going on.

If comedy is tragedy plus time, I need more fucking time. But I would really settle for less fucking tragedy.

The Daily Show (1999)

Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.

The American people. For their just utter patience.

The best-laid plans of mice and comedians usually wind up on the cutting-room floor.

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Attribution

Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Jon Stewart (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.