115 quotes
I would say the advice I would give [my younger self], or any young person, would be "Keep your head up in failure, and your head down in success."
Reddit "Ask Me Anything" #2 (2014)
Newman would be my favorite supporting character. I mean, when I got to have a real evil nemesis like Superman would have, that was a dream come true for me.
Reddit "Ask Me Anything" #1 (2014)
The comedy universe is a swamp of madness.
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee (2012)
What's wrong with [pursuing vanity projects]? [...] If there's no vanity, that's the end of show business.
New York Times Profile (2015)
Twenty minutes is not comedy. An hour, an hour and fifteen minutes: that's comedy, y'know? You learn how to open, how to sustain, how to pace.
Comedian (2002)
The worst advice is, you know, you have to do more to promote yourself. That's the worst advice. The best advice is to do your work, and you won't have to worry about anything else.
Reddit "Ask Me Anything" #2 (2014)
I've always loved getting sold [on something]. That's true of all good salesmen. All good salesmen love to get taken in by a pitch.
Judd Apatow Interview (2014)
Should I mention the other shows that were on at [the same time as Seinfeld]? 'Unsolved Mysteries'? 'Alf'? Where are they? Why is there no Hulu deal for them?
New York Times Profile (2015)
I'll tell you, you get into a hot tub with three or four really old men, this is not the cover of the Club Med brochure. They get out of the tub, it looks like an ad for gravity.
SeinLanguage (1993)
The fact is: almost everything is funny. You just have to have a way of looking at it.
Stand-Up Confidential (1987)
The comedian studies himself; the actor studies other people. The comedian wants to be himself; the actor wants to be anyone but themselves.
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee (2012)
Once we got [Julia], I was absolutely convinced, from then on, that nothing could really hurt the show. That it really-- It just felt like a balanced team.
Seinfeld Featurettes (2004)
I think we [comedians] deal with fear more viscerally than almost anyone! I mean, you feel the audience's fear, your own fear. The whole show is about quelling fear!
Talking Funny (2011)
Any new technology: it just gets translated into a sexual form. Home video? "Sex video!" Phone? "Phone sex!" Internet? "Porno website!" Copy machine? "Put your ass on it!"
Comedian (2002)
All I had to do was do [stand-up] once, and I didn't-- Really, success wasn't my objective; it was just "I wanna be one of those guys!" If I can be one of those guys, I'm-- I win everything!
Talking Funny (2011)
That's the hardest part: if you have a long bit, the biggest laugh has to be at the end. It has to be!
New York Times Interview (2012)
I really think an honest minimum is five years between [hour specials]. That would be a really honest-- and workin' hard!
What a Joke" Radio Show (2019)
I find things that you've thought of, but don't-- that you're aware of, but haven't really analyzed. And that's the whole act!
Success Without Stress" Interview (2014)
The timing of the check coming at the end of the meal makes no sense. 'Cause that's when the food is the least interesting to you.
Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee (2012)
Working with the [Seinfeld] cast was pure heaven for me. We were as well suited to each other as it seems when you watch the show.
Reddit "Ask Me Anything" #1 (2014)