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Quotes from Neverlution — Christopher Titus

born 1964 United States

← All quotes by Christopher Titus

9 quotes

Texas is killing people in the 73rd trimester.

Neverlution (2011)

Osama Bin Laden is dead? Oh my God, that was so easy! And it only took two trillion dollars, two wars and too many good men.

Neverlution (2011)

I am a patriot, and I protest speed limits by exceeding them.

Neverlution (2011)

Haiti fell over? Who built Haiti? Two of the three little pigs?!

Neverlution (2011)

Then you women created a word: "Manscape." And we shaved ourselves bald like nine year-old boys. 'Cause we wanted to sleep with you.

Neverlution (2011)

Thomas Jefferson said, "The tree of liberty must be fertilized from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants." Yeah, and I heard that and thought, "I'm out!"

Neverlution (2011)

There's two approved methods for getting a pedicure for a guy. Number one, you use your own grinder or...You have an eighteen year-old Vietnamese girl rub your feet and call you "Joe" and that's it!

Neverlution (2011)

Oh, God! Get me out of this Paris Hilton-Lindsay Lohan-Kim Kardashian-talentless slut decade!

Neverlution (2011)

At the millennium we partied like it was 1999. And then we had a 10 year bathtub tequila hangover, man. Just hugging the metaphorical toilet on a daily basis.

Neverlution (2011)

Attribution

Quotes and notes from Wikiquote: Christopher Titus (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0.