Skip to content

Even when I was a kid, my imaginary friend would play with the kid across the street. I'd be like, "Hey, so I guess I'll see you later," and he's like, "Whatever, queer."

— Daniel Tosh Comedy Central Presents: Daniel Tosh (2003)

Another quote →

More quotes by Daniel Tosh

I hope God speaks English. If I get up to heaven and have to point at a menu, I'm gonna be pissed off.

You are a sick freak who should be beaten.

True Stories I Made Up (2005)

I don't think I could stab somebody, 'cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun.

Comedy Central Presents: Daniel Tosh (2003)

You ever hear girls say that? "I'm not religious, but I'm spiritual." I like to reply with, "I'm not honest, but you're interesting!"

Comedy Central Presents: Daniel Tosh (2003)

Butt sex is a lot like spinach. If you're forced to have it as a child, you won't enjoy it as an adult.

True Stories I Made Up (2005)

All Daniel Tosh quotes →

Attribution

Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Daniel Tosh (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.