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I woke up one morning, [my girlfriend] asked me if I slept good. I said, "No, I made a few mistakes."

— Steven Wright Steven Wright Special (1985)

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More quotes by Steven Wright

I went to a museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.

Steven Wright Special (1985)

Sometimes you cannot hear me, it's because sometimes I'm in parentheses.

Steven Wright Special (1985)

It's a good thing a lot of people speak foreign languages, otherwise those people would have no one to talk to.

When the Leaves Blow Away (2006) / I Still Have a Pony (2007)

Everywhere is walking distance if you've got the time.

Steven Wright Special (1985)

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

I Have A Pony (1985)

All Steven Wright quotes →

Attribution

Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Steven Wright (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.