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And remember, when we talk of the fittest, it is all about the context. Sure, the lion is king of the jungle but airdrop him into Antarctica, & he's just a penguin's bitch.

— Dennis Miller

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More quotes by Dennis Miller

The American education system couldn't be more badly directed or poorly funded if the Secretary of Education were Ed Wood.

South African schoolchildren set a world record this week by creating the world's longest clothesline. Hey, what do South Africans wash their clothes with? Apar-Tide!

At one time, Washington actually meant something. But now, it's about as relevant as Bob Dylan's tuning fork.

I think the American legal system sucks worse than a Celine Dion cover version of "Whole Lotta Love."

Americans stick their nose where it doesn't belong more than Cyrano de Bergerac giving head.

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Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Dennis Miller (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.