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[when the bank calls:] "Chase Bank, I'm self-employed, how long do you want to stay on the phone?"

— Maria Bamford Ask Me About My New God! (2013)

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More quotes by Maria Bamford

Everything is being televised so you won't be able to tell where the Revolution is. "Who's revolting? Well, I don't know, what's on the other channel?"

I'm not technically rich, but I do have a lot of shit that I don't need, and I refuse to share with others.

The Now Show (2006)

I've never really thought of myself as depressed so much as I am paralyzed by hope.

The Now Show (2006)

I love my country, but maybe that's because I'm white and rich. I'm not technically rich, but I do have a lot of shit, that I refuse to share with others.

How to WIN! (2006)

There's a lot of mental illness in my family. So, if you catch schizophrenia, get four boxes of Mike and Ikes, a Bible, and a cage. Wait it out.

Unwanted Thoughts Syndrome (2009)

All Maria Bamford quotes →

Attribution

Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Maria Bamford (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.