11 quotes
Everything is being televised so you won't be able to tell where the Revolution is. "Who's revolting? Well, I don't know, what's on the other channel?"
I'm not technically rich, but I do have a lot of shit that I don't need, and I refuse to share with others.
The Now Show (2006)
I've never really thought of myself as depressed so much as I am paralyzed by hope.
The Now Show (2006)
I love my country, but maybe that's because I'm white and rich. I'm not technically rich, but I do have a lot of shit, that I refuse to share with others.
How to WIN! (2006)
There's a lot of mental illness in my family. So, if you catch schizophrenia, get four boxes of Mike and Ikes, a Bible, and a cage. Wait it out.
Unwanted Thoughts Syndrome (2009)
She said I was afraid of success, which may in fact be true, because I have a feeling that fufilling my potential would really cut into my sittin' around time.
Comedy Central Presents Maria Bamford (2001)
S-s-sure I'll join your cult. [nervous smile]
Comedy Central Presents Maria Bamford (2001)
Time flies when you are anxious!
Unwanted Thoughts Syndrome (2009)
[when the bank calls:] "Chase Bank, I'm self-employed, how long do you want to stay on the phone?"
Ask Me About My New God! (2013)
[singing the song her therapist told her to improvise in order to "let her anxieties out"] If I keep the kitchen floor clean, no one will die!
The Now Show (2006)
I'm not looking for much [in a guy], I just want, like, a really nice guy who has, you know, like a job... and the missing half of this golden amulet.
Comedy Central Presents Maria Bamford (2001)