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I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown.

— Dennis Miller

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More quotes by Dennis Miller

And remember, when we talk of the fittest, it is all about the context. Sure, the lion is king of the jungle but airdrop him into Antarctica, & he's just a penguin's bitch.

The American education system couldn't be more badly directed or poorly funded if the Secretary of Education were Ed Wood.

South African schoolchildren set a world record this week by creating the world's longest clothesline. Hey, what do South Africans wash their clothes with? Apar-Tide!

At one time, Washington actually meant something. But now, it's about as relevant as Bob Dylan's tuning fork.

I think the American legal system sucks worse than a Celine Dion cover version of "Whole Lotta Love."

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All breathing, existing, living, sentient creatures should not be slain, nor treated with violence, nor abused, nor tormented, nor driven away.

Mahavira

A dog cannot relate his autobiography; however eloquently he may bark, he cannot tell you that his parents were honest but poor.

Bertrand Russell Human Knowledge: Its Scope and Limits (1948)

Histories are more full of Examples of the Fidelity of dogs than of Friends.

Alexander Pope

True human goodness, in all its purity and freedom, can come to the fore only when its recipient has no power.

Milan Kundera The Unbearable Lightness of Being (1984)

Attribution

Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Dennis Miller (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.