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If you can't sleep with your own wife wearing a false beard, what can you do?

— John Mortimer

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Marriage

More quotes by John Mortimer

I suppose that writers should, in a way, feel flattered by the censorship laws. They show a primitive fear and dread at the fearful magic of print.

The shelf life of the modern hardback writer is somewhere between the milk and the yoghurt.

A "war against terrorism" is an impracticable conception if it means fighting terrorism with terrorism. The feelings on both sides are not that they are taking part in some evil and criminal act but risking their lives heroically for what they consider to be a just cause.

No brilliance is needed in the law. Nothing but common sense, and relatively clean finger nails.

Voyage Round My Father (1971)

People will go to endless trouble to divorce one person and then marry someone who is exactly the same, except probably a bit poorer and a bit nastier. I don't think anybody learns anything.

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The confusion of marriage with morality has done more to destroy the conscience of the human race than any other single error.

George Bernard Shaw Man and Superman (1903)

Men marry because they are tired; women because they are curious. Both are disappointed.

Oscar Wilde A Woman of No Importance (1893)

A man is in general better pleased when he has a good dinner upon his table, than when his wife talks Greek.

Samuel Johnson

The best way to worship God is to love your wife.

Victor Hugo Les Misérables (1862)

Attribution

Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: John Mortimer (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.