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People say money is not the key to happiness, but I've always figured if you have enough money you can get a key made.

— Joan Rivers Seriously Funny (2009)

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More quotes by Joan Rivers

It's been so long since I made love, I can't even remember who gets tied up.

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

Funny Ladies (2001)

Anger is a symptom, a way of cloaking and expressing feelings too awful to experience directly—hurt, bitterness, grief and, most of all, fear.

Reader's Digest Quotable Quotes (1997)

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

Funny Ladies (2001)

There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.

All Joan Rivers quotes →

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Men accept servility in order to acquire wealth; as if they could acquire anything of their own when they cannot even assert that they belong to themselves.

Étienne de La Boétie Discourse on Voluntary Servitude (1548)

Health is the greatest gift, contentment is the greatest wealth, a trusted friend is the best relative, Nibbana is the greatest bliss.

Gautama Buddha

Opulence is always the result of theft, if not committed by the actual possessor, then by his predecessor.

Jerome The Cry for Justice (1915)

Bourgeois society is ruled by equivalence. It makes the dissimilar comparable by reducing it to abstract quantities. To the Enlightenment, that which does not reduce to numbers, and ultimately to the one, becomes illusion.

Max Horkheimer Dialektik der Aufklärung [Dialectic of Enlightenment (1944)

Attribution

Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Joan Rivers (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.