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I was walking past a sex shop an' that. One, it was open early which I never understood, it was about eight o'clock in the morning. Who needs butt plugs then?

— Karl Pilkington

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More quotes by Karl Pilkington

The Elephant Man would never have gotten up and gone, ‘Oh, God. Look at me hair today.’

Why didn't evolution make a giraffe good at carpentry so it could build a ladder?

The world is getting more and more scruffier, innit?

Is there anyone else that you look like, Steve, or would you say you're a bit of a one-off?

From someone whose dad buys him a spade for Christmas, I thought you'd be grateful!

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Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Karl Pilkington (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.