103 quotes
To me there's no real difference between a fortune teller or a fortune cookie and any of the organized religions. They're all equally valid or invalid, really. And equally helpful.
New York Times interview (2010)
More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
Side Effects (1980)
Human beings are divided into mind and body. The mind embraces all the nobler aspirations, like poetry and philosophy, but the body has all the fun.
Love and Death (1975)
I love baseball. You know, it doesn't have to mean anything. It's just very beautiful to watch.
Sex and death. Two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you're not nauseous.
Sleeper (1973)
I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in Braille. I used to rub the dirty parts.
Bananas (1971)
Sex without love is an empty experience. But as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.
Love and Death (1975)
Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
A Midsummer Night's Sex Comedy (1982)
I have also reviewed my own financial obligations, which have puffed up recently like a hammered thumb.
Mere Anarchy (2007)
I don't recognize this committee's right to ask me these kind of questions! And furthermore, you can all go fuck yourselves.
The Front (1976)
To a man standing on the shore, time passes quicker than to a man on a boat — especially if the man on the boat is with his wife.
Mere Anarchy (2007)
I can't get with any religion that advertises in Popular Mechanics.
Annie Hall (1977)
Taste my tuna casserole — tell me if I put in too much hot fudge.
Manhattan Murder Mystery (1993)
And how does gravity work? And if it were to cease suddenly, would certain restaurants still require a jacket?
Mere Anarchy (2007)
What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause!
Manhattan Murder Mystery (1993)
Eternal nothingness is O.K. if you're dressed for it.
Getting Even (1971)
My second wife was beautiful, but lacked real passion. I recall once, while we were making love, a curious optical illusion occurred and for a split second it almost looked as though she was moving.
Side Effects (1980)
[The universe is] haphazard, morally neutral, and unimaginably violent.
September (1987)
I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final, you know. I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
Annie Hall (1977)
Oh, he was probably a member of the National Rifle Association. It was a group that helped criminals get guns so they could shoot citizens. It was a public service.
Sleeper (1973)