264 quotes
The arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human way of making life more bearable. Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven's sake.
A Man Without a Country (2005)
Generally speaking, espionage offers each spy an opportunity to go crazy in a way he finds irresistible.
Mother Night (1962)
If I should ever die, God forbid, I hope you will say, "Kurt is up in heaven now." That's my favorite joke.
A Man Without a Country (2005)
If you actually are an educated, thinking person, you will not be welcome in Washington DC.
A Man Without a Country (2005)
History is merely a list of surprises. … It can only prepare us to be surprised yet again. Please write that down.
Slapstick (1976)
We don't piss in your ashtrays,
So please don't throw cigarettes in our urinals.
God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater (1965)
If facts weren't funny, or scary, or couldn't make you rich, the heck with them.
Hocus Pocus (1990)
The big advantage of being a chemistry major was the freedom to be tasteless.
The highest treason in the USA is to say Americans are not loved, no matter where they are, no matter what they are doing there.
A Man Without a Country (2005)
You were sick, but now you're well, and there's work to do.
Timequake (1997)
Ideas or the lack of them can cause disease.
Breakfast of Champions (1973)
All the things you are are going to be sued and sued successfully. And, while the litigants may not be able to get blood from turnips, they can certainly ruin the turnips in the process of trying.
The Sirens of Titan (1959)
I don't know about you, but I practice a disorganized religion. I belong to an unholy disorder. We call ourselves "Our Lady of Perpetual Astonishment."
A Man Without a Country (2005)
What do men want? They want a lot of pals, and they wish that people wouldn't get so mad at them.
God Bless You, Dr. Kevorkian (1999)
I thought scientists were going to find out exactly how everything worked, and then make it work better.
Bennington College address (1970)
Beer, of course, is actually a depressant. But poor people will never stop hoping otherwise.
Hocus Pocus (1990)
Give me knowledge or give me death!
The study of anthropology … confirmed my atheism, which was the faith of my fathers anyway. Religions were exhibited and studied as the Rube Goldberg inventions I'd always thought they were.
I do feel that evolution is being controlled by some sort of divine engineer. … That's why we've got giraffes and hippopotami and the clap.
Speaking is more profitable than writing, so I want to thank you for the cushy berth here.