264 quotes
What do my science fiction stories have in common with pornography? Fantasies of an impossibly hospitable world, I'm told.
Conversations with Kurt Vonnegut (1988)
Like all real heroes, Charley had a fatal flaw. He refused to believe that he had gonorrhea, whereas the truth was that he did.
God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater (1965)
Doctor Paul Proteus, son of a successful man, himself rich with prospects of being richer, counted his material blessings. He found that he was in excellent shape to afford integrity.
Player Piano (1952)
The lieutenant-colonel realized for the first time what most people never realize about themselves—that he was not only a victim of outrageous fortune, but one of outrageous fortune's cruelest agents as well.
The Sirens of Titan (1959)
There is no reason why good cannot triumph as often as evil. The triumph of anything is a matter of organization. If there are such things as angels, I hope that they are organized along the lines of the Mafia.
The Sirens of Titan (1959)
Roses are red
And ready for plucking
You're sixteen
And ready for high school.
Breakfast of Champions (1973)
Another flaw in the human character is that everybody wants to build and nobody wants to do maintenance.
Hocus Pocus (1990)
To be
the eyes
and ears
and conscience
of the Creator of the Universe,
you fool.
Breakfast of Champions (1973)
The only difference between Bush and Hitler is that Hitler was elected.
We are healthy only to the extent that our ideas are humane.
Breakfast of Champions (1973)
I love you sons of bitches. You're all I read any more.
God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater (1965)
What we will be seeking … for the rest of our lives will be large, stable communities of like-minded people, which is to say relatives. They no longer exist.
Palm Sunday (1981)
I can have oodles of charm when I want to.
Breakfast of Champions (1973)
When the excrement hit the air conditioner
Hocus Pocus (1990)
It is always pitiful when any human being falls into a condition hardly more respectable than that of an animal. How much more pitiful it is when the person who falls has had all the advantages!
The Sirens of Titan (1959)
We're terrible animals. I think that the Earth's immune system is trying to get rid of us, as well it should.
I have to say this in defense of humankind: No matter in what era in history, including the Garden of Eden, everybody just got there.
Cold Turkey (2004)
One of the few good things about modern times: If you die horribly on television, you will not have died in vain. You will have entertained us.
Cold Turkey (2004)
What is time? It is a serpent which eats its tail [...].
The village would never accept it. It has a policy of never accepting anything. As a happy consequence, it changes about as fast as the rules of chess.
Welcome to the Monkey House (1968)