264 quotes
Every passing hour brings the Solar System forty-three thousand miles closer to Globular Cluster M13 in Hercules—and still there are some misfits who insist that there is no such thing as progress.
The Sirens of Titan (1959)
The riot, then, was an exercise in science and theology—a seeking after clues by the living as to what life was all about.
The Sirens of Titan (1959)
He held up his watch to sunlight, letting it drink in the wherewithal that was to solar watches what money was to Earth men.
The Sirens of Titan (1959)
His poor soul was flooded with pleasure as he realized that one friend was all that a man needed in order to be well-supplied with friendship.
The Sirens of Titan (1959)
I was a victim of a series of accidents, as are we all.
The Sirens of Titan (1959)
I never knew a writer's wife who wasn't beautiful.
Welcome to the Monkey House (1968)
"If only it weren't for the people, the goddamned people," said Finnerty, "always getting tangled up in the machinery. If it weren't for them, earth would be an engineer's paradise."
Player Piano (1952)
Almost nobody's competent, Paul. It's enough to make you cry to see how bad most people are at their jobs. If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you're a one-eyed man in the kingdom of the blind.
Player Piano (1952)
Everything of mine which has been filmed so far has been one character short, and that character is me.
Between Time and Timbuktu (1972)
Why don't you take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut. Why don't you take a flying fuck at the mooooooooooooon!
Slapstick (1976)
Some jerk infected the Internet with an outright lie. It shows how easy it is to do and how credulous people are.
Should the nation's wealth be redistributed? It has been and continues to be redistributed to a few people in a manner strikingly unhelpful.
Timequake (1997)
The telling of jokes is an art of its own, and it always rises from some emotional threat. The best jokes are dangerous, and dangerous because they are in some way truthful.
Jokes can be noble. Laughs are exactly as honorable as tears. Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion, to the futility of thinking and striving anymore.
Palm Sunday (1981)
Just because some of us can read and write and do a little math, that doesn't mean we deserve to conquer the Universe.
Hocus Pocus (1990)
There are plenty of good reasons for fighting … but no good reason ever to hate without reservation.
Mother Night (1961)
The new heroism — put a village idiot into a pressure cooker, seal it up tight, and shoot him at the moon.
Happy Birthday, Wanda June (1970)
This is a tale of a meeting of two lonesome, skinny, fairly old white men on a planet which was dying fast.
Breakfast of Champions (1973)
Bad guys turned informer. Good guys didn't — no matter when, no matter what.
Player Piano (1952)
This script, it seems to me, is the work of professionals who yearned to be as charming as inspired amateurs can sometimes be.
Between Time and Timbuktu (1972)