15 quotes
Let's just say I'm gonna be so politically incorrect, you might even get sued for being in the audience.
Allegedly (2004)
The wrestler was up there with his wife, and I actually heard her say "Can this thing do a loopty loop?"
Allegedly (2004)
Donna (Karan), you have huge jugs, you could totally be a manager at Hooters!
Allegedly (2004)
When you perform for the Army, they want dick jokes and they want em now!
Allegedly (2004)
Isn't Scientology one of those things where you really like someone and once you hear they're a Scientologist, you're like "I'm out"?
Allegedly (2004)
Nothing gets me more nervous than white people who talk black.......I mean, it's fun on "Ricki Lake", but in real life......
Allegedly (2004)
I love my clit. I use it every day. Not a day goes by when I don't use it for something.
Allegedly (2004)
And then she (Brooke Sheilds) says the ill-fated words "You have to put this in your act". And I said "What, I would never"! Because it's a private time!!
Allegedly (2004)
She reaches under and grabs my peech and like, squeezes it and walks away. I run over to Brooke and go "Your mother just molested me. I could sue you and own this house"!
Allegedly (2004)
Alright, Macy Gray.....what exactly is wrong with her? She, for sure has a little mental retardation. Allegedly!
Allegedly (2004)
And yet she has the fucked-up baby voice! And is there anything more charming than a grown woman with a baby voice? Mmmm, yummy! I'm hard thinking about it.
Allegedly (2004)
And she's like "Angie Harmon is here"!! So I was like, well let me...well fuck me then and I ran as fast as I could!
Allegedly (2004)
So then, she looks at Brooke (Shields)'s Dad with his newer wife, and she's like "So, now you're with my ex-husband. Well, congratulations, you can have him"! It was fucking on!!
Allegedly (2004)
I am going after everybody. I'm going after Paltrow. Fuck her. Fuck her!
Allegedly (2004)
(On signing autographs for troops) I'd be writing To Private so and so, love Kathy Griffin and then I'd go "here, think about this when you beat off".
Allegedly (2004)