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Quotes from Have Your Loved Ones Spayed and Neutered — Jeff Foxworthy

born 1958 United States

← All quotes by Jeff Foxworthy

9 quotes

If you're a man and you can't remember the last time you had sex with a woman, you're either gay or married.

Have Your Loved Ones Spayed and Neutered (2004)

If you're a man and you've ever been antique shopping during a big football game, you're either gay or married.

Have Your Loved Ones Spayed and Neutered (2004)

Do you know why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder? Because the DNA's all the same and there's no dental records.

Have Your Loved Ones Spayed and Neutered (2004)

I've often said working with Larry is a lot like watching the Jerry Springer Show. After five minutes, you will feel better about your own family.

Have Your Loved Ones Spayed and Neutered (2004)

My mother won't drive 50 miles an hour. You put her in a rental car, she's doing doughnuts in the grocery store parking lot!

Have Your Loved Ones Spayed and Neutered (2004)

(To his wife) You do not have testicular cancer. You don't even have "testiculars"!

Have Your Loved Ones Spayed and Neutered (2004)

[about his daughters and nieces having developed a natural curiosity about boys]

Have Your Loved Ones Spayed and Neutered (2004)

Buying a used rental car is kind of like going to a house of ill repute looking for a wife. Anything that's been driven that hard by that many people, you really don't want to put your key in it.

Have Your Loved Ones Spayed and Neutered (2004)

[about rental car employees who ask if he wants the additional insurance]

Have Your Loved Ones Spayed and Neutered (2004)

Attribution

Quotes and notes from Wikiquote: Jeff Foxworthy (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0.