Skip to content

Craig Ferguson Quotes

born 1962 Scotland

Craig Ferguson (born 17 May 1962) is a Scottish-born actor/comedian and former host of The Late Late Show. He was succeeded by British comedy actor James Corden.

Scotland
Actors
Comedians
Novelists

Random Craig Ferguson quote

63 quotes

That’s the thing about terrorism – it works. Especially for the terrorists – they might not get what they want but it feels damn good trying.
For many terrorists, the means is the end.

Between the Bridge and the River (2006)

Love at first sight is not rare, in fact it is extremely common, it happens to some people a few times a year. The feeling of “what if” when meeting the eyes of a stranger can be love unrecognized.

Between the Bridge and the River (2006)

[to camera] Excuse me for just a second. [walks off-camera, to studio audience] Shut up!

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005)

Welcome back to the big show where (at this point, he references something from earlier in the show)

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005)

Kids: If a bear is wearing a ranger hat, it's because he ate the ranger!

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005)

Welcome back, my naughty monkeys. [whipcrack]

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005)

I can't live by your rules, man!

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005)

I don't like my politicians entertaining me and I don't like my entertainers politicianing [sic] me.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005)

He's German so he's Herr Ball. Herr Ball. His movies are so bad, cats choke when they hear his name.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005)

Welcome back, my cheeky wee monkeys.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005)

Welcome back, my naughty penguins.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005)

Welcome back, my naughty donkeys.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005)

Welcome back, my filthy pigeons.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005)

[bends over] *errgh* Sorry for making that noise, but … that's what happens when you get older. One day what happens is that you bend over, and you never come back.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005)

[The Secretariat horse character reveals his true identity, and it happens to be Bob Newhart.]

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005)

I view my own body as a Donalds hiccups I am the main attraction... And the only customer.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005)

You know who doesn't like _____? Al-Qaeda!

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005)

Get well soon, Castro. [pause] Actually, no, don't; die, you bastard!

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005)

[When beginning the cold open with another person] Please state your name for the camera.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005)

[referring to a suggestive comment aimed at the audience] You too, ladies.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005)

Attribution

Quotes and notes from Wikiquote: Craig Ferguson (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0.