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Billy Connolly Quotes
born 1942 Scotland
Sir William Connolly, CBE (born 24 November 1942) is a Scottish stand-up comedian, musician, presenter, actor, and artist. He is sometimes known, especially in his native Scotland, by the nickname "The Big Yin" ("The Big One", a reference to his 6' height).
Random Billy Connolly quote
38 quotes
Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.
Don't buy one of those baby intercoms. Babies pretend to be dead. They're bastards, and they do it on purpose.
I hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There's no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing, so get yourself a sexy raincoat and live a little.
Those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There's no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing, so get yourself a sexy raincoat.
The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one.
The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards.
There is no such thing as bad language: it's just our morals that are fucked.
Politically correct is the language of cowardice.
People die all the time. It's just that you're not around.
Apparently the only way to avoid a sudden agonising death, is to walk around in tights with a bottle of vinegar. I'd rather be fucking dead!
Life is a waste of time. Time is a waste of life. Get wasted all the time and you'll have the time of your life.
When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it?
My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.
Toblerones! It's impossible to eat a fucking Toblerone without hurting yourself!
My advice to you, if you want to lose a bit of weight: don't eat anything that comes in a bucket. Buckets are the kitchen utensils of the farmyard.
There's nothing better than a fight, especially when you're watching it from a safe place. You can yell encouragement! Hit him with the left, he's a big Jessie!
Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex, and men need to have sex to feel loved, so the basic act of continuing the species requires a lie from one of you.
Life for me is great. I'm a very f***in' wealthy person, I'm married to a very beautiful woman and I get laid with monotonous regularity.
I was always confused with what was near-sight and what was far-sight. Now I'm not confused at all: I've got both, I don't give a fuck which is which.
The working classes, the ones they refer to in those political programmes as "the ordinary people"
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