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Billy Connolly Quotes
born 1942 Scotland
Sir William Connolly, CBE (born 24 November 1942) is a Scottish stand-up comedian, musician, presenter, actor, and artist. He is sometimes known, especially in his native Scotland, by the nickname "The Big Yin" ("The Big One", a reference to his 6' height).
Random Billy Connolly quote
38 quotes
We all know that at 5 in the morning the lanes behind hotels are full of children, especially wee blind ones who can't see fucking trucks coming.
You said, "If you're ever in Los Angeles we must have dinner"- well, he's here. That's not an invitation! Translated, it means: "You're a boring piece of shit, I'm off, I've had enough of you!"
Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.
There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.
Never trust anybody with only one book.
Who the fuck are you? Get out of my house...and take that fucking bulldozer with you.
The religion in Scotland is one of the most patronising things... after the weather.
No children were abused in the making of this show. No one was hurt and no Islamic cartoons were used. You know, for those of you that can't take a fucking joke.
(To audience members who were arriving late) You haven't missed a thing, I was just killing time 'til you got here.
I think age is terribly overrated. You're okay as long as you don't grow up. By all means grow old, but don't mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.
I know at least... oh my God, at least 127 words. And I still prefer "Fuck".
For years I thought the club's name was Partick Thistle Nil.
"I stood on a stone fish once." "Oh yeah, how was it?" "Worst fucking pain known to man." "Have you known a lot of pain?" "Aye, I fell off my bike once."
You've made a happy man very old.
Don't vote, it just encourages them.
I used to be a folk singer, but I was... dreadful. I had a voice like a goose farting in the fog.
Recently, I turned 60... and even more recently, I turned 62. That was a bastard, I don't even remember the 61.
I'm a huge filmstar... but you have to hurry to the movies, because I usually die in the first fifteen fucking minutes. I'm the only guy I know who died in a fucking Muppet movie.
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