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What do you call an honest Iranian businessman? Asif.

— Omid Djalili No Agenda (2007)

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More quotes by Omid Djalili

A Persian Cat! Not an Iranian cat, no: an Iranian cat has a bomb under the body warmer!

No Agenda (2007)

I am the only Iranian comedian in the world... and that's three more than Germany!

No Agenda (2007)

Semtex... with nowt taken out!

No Agenda (2007)

Its part of a comedy cultural exchange tour: tonight, I am doing the UK and Jim Davidson is being buggered in Baghdad right now, systematically and without cessation, by United States Troops! Such fun.

No Agenda (2007)

YOU BASTARD! Come to my carpet shop.

No Agenda (2007)

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Quote text and notes from Wikiquote: Omid Djalili (page history), available under CC BY-SA 4.0. Source quality and labels are our own summary of what Wikiquote records.